Monday, June 28, 2010

Ode to Optics, aka Why I Changed My Dog’s Name to “Shit-head.”

Of all the things Calvin has chewed, I have never once wept over the destruction…

…until Sunday morning at 1:34 a.m.

::Back Story:: Calvin sleeps on our bed, if he gets too hot he jumps off and goes downstairs and sleeps in his kennel.::

Not this time.

At approximately 1:34 a.m. on Sunday June 27, 2010 I awoke to the most awful crunching sound I have ever heard in my life coming from under our bed. Being a self-proclaimed Mr. Magoo, I rolled over to reach for my glasses off of the night stand. After a few failed attempts at feeling around for them, a mental light bulb turned on and I realized that the very item I was reaching for was probably the very item Calv decided to snack on.

I immediately dropped to the floor, grabbed a flashlight out of the night stand, lifted the bed skirt, and found a very nervous Corgi looking at me like a deer in the headlights. Next to him were (what was left of) my glasses.

Exhibit A

::Side Note:: When I first grabbed the glasses, the part of the frame that holds the right nose pad was completely vertical and I fortunately got it back in place without snapping it off. This picture also does not do much justice, but the actual nose pads, and the right ear piece are completely chewed.

Husband, knowing that I would kill the dog, immediately grabbed Calv and escorted him downstairs to his kennel while I sobbed over the remains of my specs.

Now, normally I wouldn’t have gotten so upset over a pair of glasses. HOWEVER I have only had these glasses for 1 one year…and prior to that had not replaced them since I was a junior.

…In high school.

Fortunately this story has a happy ending. Fifteen minutes at the eye clinic over my break this morning and $10.20 later, the damage was repaired; minus the chipped paint where he chewed, but that is cosmetic and will not affect my comfort or vision so I deal. Had the nose piece actually snapped off – the bill would have been more around $150…yikes.

And while I am still on the topic of canine catastrophes…

Later Sunday morning after breakfast I was cleaning up in the kitchen when Husband walked over and asked me to hold Reese for a minute. Soon after taking baby girl, I spotted husband out of the corner of my eye sweeping something up off of the kitchen floor ever-so-quietly. I ran over to see a couple of our WEDDING flowers partially shredded all over the floor. Husband, knowing that I was still irate from the glasses incident tried to clean up the mess before I noticed. No such luck.

::Side Note:: I keep the dried flowers in a basket on the under-shelf of a small table in our kitchen. This table has not been dusted in a couple weeks.::

I went over to the flower basket to check the destruction and it was then that I realized Calvin had an accomplice.

Exhibit B

The accomplice, who shall remain nameless, is described as being 4-years-old, 42” tall, and approximately 41 lbs. He still denies any and all allegations.

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