Kids are gross.

Kids are gross. I say this in the most lovingly way possible.

Let me start off by taking a stroll down memory lane to this post. For those lazy readers, I will paraphrase by saying that my daughter spits up so much food it’s hard to believe that she gains weight at all. It is estimated that at least 50% of her daily caloric intake ends up on the floor, the dog, or Husband and I.

Tuesday night was no different.

About an hour and a half after Reese’s main entrée of pureed mixed veggies and banana/mixed berries for dessert, we sat down on the couch together for an attempt at one last snuggle time with her bottle before bed.

::Side Note:: I say “attempt” because doll has recently learned to crawl. The girl is always on the move. She has absolutely no time in her agenda to slow done and cuddle with Mama. I thought I had at least 12-13 years before that happened.

Anyway, using the TV remote as a distraction, I finally got her to chill out and take the bottle. She was about ¾ of the way through when she gagged and spit up on me. Not a huge deal, but nevertheless needed Husband to take her so I could clean myself off before Calv and his laser tongue decided to help.

Husband picked her up off my lap and at the exact moment he turned to carry her away it happened. What was quite possibly the largest stream of projectile baby food / formula blend shot out of doll’s mouth. The vom covered an estimated four-foot radius; spraying herself, husband, Calv, both couches, and my carpet.

Now, we’ve had carpet/baby food incidents before and this one wouldn’t have been a huge deal – but do you recall what she had for dessert? Bananas with mixed berries. And what color is said bananas with mixed berries? Purple. On my WHITE carpet. Super.

She definitely put Linda Blair to shame.

After two days, a cry for stain-removing suggestions via Facebook, and a little help from Google, I was able to successfully able to remove most of the stain with a mix of household items: Tide, vinegar, and warm water. There was still a faint purple look which was completely wiped out with OxyClean gel stain remover (let sit 5-10 minutes, rinse with warm water, and blot up with a towel). The stain remover is actually meant for clothes, but I was brave and tried it.

And if you are from any of the companies that created any of the aforementioned cleaning supplies, hit me up and I’ll let you know where you can mail my royalty check (or lifetime supply of said items) for plugging your product. k thx.